What does it mean to be kind? Is it as simple as just being nice to others, or is there more to it? When you do something nice for someone, are you doing it because you genuinely want to make that person happy or are you doing it deep down for some sort of gratification? Many people do kind things for the simple purpose of getting something in return. For the longest time I didn’t know the difference between the two. I was a kind person, there’s no doubt about that. However, I know in my heart thinking back about past experiences, I did use kindness as a weapon to get what I wanted. This could have been as simple as buying something for someone (buying their love) or as simple as just being nice to my family with the sole purpose of getting something (in the near future) as a reward.
It’s ok to want things in return. Nobody is perfect. We all put ourselves first from time to time/try to get things that we want. It’s only human tooccasionally manipulate the situations that are presented in your life for your own benefit. It’s a proven fact that if you’re kind to someone rather than negative, you’re more likely to get what you want. Knowing this information can be dangerous. How do we know when we’re taking advantage of it? How do we know when we’re genuinely being kind? It can also work in both parties favors, that’s where it gets complicated.
You must ask yourself; Why am I going out of my way for this person? Am I just being thoughtful? Or is there something inside of me that wants to use kindness for my own personal benefit. You’d be surprised how many times that you do things for your own gain. I’m not suggesting that you’re never genuine. I’m not here to judge your character. It takes bravery to admit when you’re being selfish. There is no right or wrong answer to this topic. I’m simply trying to get you to think about if you’re expecting gratification in return for your kind actions. If this is the case, maybe try focusing on doing a few things with a clear mindset of putting the other person first and not expecting anything in return.
I noticed for most of my life I was abusing kindness. Until recently, most of the time that I was doing something kind for someone else was for either personal gain or to make myself feel better. I’m starting to realize that kindness doesn’t work like that. You can’t use kindness to make up for past mistakes, or for justifying a thing you did. Being kind does not have to be complicated. It could be as simple as telling a stranger that you like their outfit, shoes, hair or anything really. The truth is that you don’t even need to like those specific things. The entire purpose of being kind is to make someone feel good without expecting them to make you feel good in return. Try this strategy out. The next time you go out, do three acts of kindness without expecting anything in return. Don’t overthink it. Even just telling someone to have a wonderful day can make a huge difference in the day that they are having.
So why do this? What’s the point? If it doesn’t benefit me, why should I do it? These are all valid questions. Think of this way. Imagine two people. One person who’s having an incredible day and the other who’s had some bad news about their health. It doesn’t cost anything for the first person to be kind, yet the simple act of kindness could bring some joy to a person struggling. People are great at hiding their struggles. We, as humans put on masks to hide the fact that we are going through pain. You never know what your act of kindness could do. You might inspire people to be nicer to others. This can create a chain reaction of positivity which may seem small but can potentially have a giant impact.
I’m not saying that you must go around complimenting every single person you see. All I’m suggesting is that by being kind you might be helping someone way more than you could ever imagine. The brave part about this all is being able to put what you’re going through on a pauseso you can spread joy to someone else in that moment. If you take anything away from this, focus on the fact that it cost nothing to be kind. Try it out. Think about if you’re being kind for a hidden reason, or if you’re just genuinely trying to make someone’s day. This won’t fix the world; however, it could make life a bit brighter.
Be kind.
-Probably Blue
